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I'll Never Know
Bio I'll Never Know is a song performed by Benny Hill in the opening act on March 31, 1986. The format is a Fifties-style "American Bandstand" scenario followed by "Those Days" and "In The Papers," tunes Benny performed on the show when he was starting out in show business. He is joined by Jon Jon Keefe, Bob Todd, (unknown) and Henry McGee on one side and Vanessa Biddulph (who comes forward to sing in a baritone voice), Samantha Spencer-Lane (?) and Tracy Smith (?) with Alison and Rebecca Marsh dancing in back in matching spandex ski suits. It was previously performed by the Spatchelors (Benny Hill, Jackie Wright and Pete O'Dell) on January 27, 1971. Biddulph might also be the short figure on the men's side, but this is unconfirmed. Lyrics (Note: The accuracy of these lyrics are a bit in doubt.) I'll never know how a rose can look so sweet and pure And hold it's head up high when it's standing in manure Why do they say all brides are beautiful, each and every one. If its true, where do all the ugly wives come from? I'll never know, Never know, Never know, Never know I'll never know, Never know, Never know, Never know The sign said don't come back again (indecipherable) It makes your bread soggy and impossible to light The sign said buy her a flower, and she'll feel like a queen But she's get romantic over a package of margarine I'll never know, Never know, Never know, Never know I'll never know, Never know, Never know, Never know ("Those Days" excerpt) Benny - When I came round to her house for her birthday, the cake I had wasn't bad Anna - I liked the twenty-eight candles that were on the slice that I had. (second line indecipherable) Benny - Because I crossed a duck with a banjo and got a bird that plucks itself Anna - (indecipherable) Benny - Because I sat there biting my nails like some kind of adolescent fool. The door burst open, and she stood there with all my mates from the docks Anna - And we all sang happy birthday to you. Benny - And all I had on was my socks. Benny and Anna - Those days are far behind me; they were so long ago They all seem to remind me how I love you so ("In The Papers" excerpt) Now, the nurse went to the paper, he got the job on the very first day He saw the boss of the building with a pitchfork barring his way He said all of my tenants are very high class and very well bred He was possibly holding the pitchfork cause he was making his bed I know its true; I know it's right It's in all the newspapers in black and white. Now, little Jimmy sat by the roadside. He was crying one summer day. "Why do you cry, young Jimmy?" A man was heard to say. "Because I can't do what the big boys do." said Jimmy. "Move over, son." said the old man, and he sat down and cried with him. I know its true; I know it's right It's in all the newspapers in black and white. Episode(s) * The Herd Category: Songs Category: 1986 Songs